Breathe

nelligene:

e-xausted:

woah, cover the middle and you go faster, cover the outside and you go slower

mindblown.

(Source: unexplainedcinema)

I’m still trying to grasp the fact that you’re actually gone..You are no longer physically here. I have your music on replay and your voice sounds so familiar even though we haven’t chilled for awhile. We fell off for awhile but every time we had a chance to talk, we spoke as if time never passed by. I saw you every single day for 4 years straight. We worked together, we had division together, we shared lockers, we either took the bus together or we carpooled together. I can’t help but sit here and feel lonely without you now..We kept telling each other we’ll chill soon, I keep rereading our text messages to each other. “I miss you best, I’m just checking up on you. I hope you’re doing well :)” I really need to hear that right now. Tell me why I thought about this 2 days before you passed..I was in my room looking at all my pictures and asked myself what would I do if I didn’t use up any free time I have and chill with the people I haven’t been with in awhile and care a lot about..What would I do if someone in our circle of friends just pass away? I didn’t have an answer for it..I really can’t speak about you without getting a little choked up. You were my first best guy friend. You always had my back. I cannot stress that enough. I was just so used to your presence and the idea that you were always gna be here for me that I took for granted our friendship when we should have been chilling all summer. I’m sorry, I fell off. All I do is work, and you told me that too. I needed to find time for my friends. I’m sorry, John. I should have. I couldn’t ever stay mad at you, you just give me a big ass grin and a push and start making that funny ass voice that I always crack up to and you’re automatically forgiven. Remember that goofy ass way you used to say, NAWMSAYIN?! lmfao. I was so used to your big hands rubbing my back or just laying on my shoulder. I really need that right now. You’re a great person, so selfless and caring. Huge heart that welcomed everyone. I miss you so much right now, you don’t understand. You greeted me every morning with a huge smile. You always made sure I wasn’t hungry. You always pushed me to do what I wna do. You always listened to what I had to say…whenever it came to problems with fam, school, club or friends. You were THAT guy that was the ideal definition of a best guy friend. Remember those nike shoes that you got customized especially for my birthday? The one with my name? Remember the blue mushroom slippers? Remember sleeping over for inights? Remember coming over and just listening to my problems? Remember those times where I would just go to your house to chill? That familiar smell of cigarettes and that bunk bed room of yours! AHHHH. I miss all of that. All those memories just keep flooding through my head. Late at night is when I miss you the most. When everyone is most vulnerable but that is when you were at your peak. You never sleep, you always be puttin’ in that work. It’s like you knew everything that was going on and you just needed to get things done as quickly and as smoothly as can be. Last night I started falling asleep but then I felt my heart just drop all of a sudden and I woke up right away, I felt as if your presence was in my room..I know my room was familiar to you so it’s easy to find your way there. I felt you watching over me and it’s like you wanted me to know that you were there regardless of still being here or not. You were my rock that held me down when all chaos broke loose. When guys walked in and out of my life but my best friend that always stayed. I miss you so fucking much right now, John. You don’t understand..I love you, best friend. Rest In Peace, JVN<3

I need you more than anything right now..

cdanglove:

me&john were having a conversation in the car.

john: do you ever think about your future?

me: of course i do, don’t you?

john: yeah, that’s why i asked you!

me: lol yeah, i’m scared i’m gna end up doing nothing, like unsuccessful or homeless.

john: don’t worry nigga, you won’t. do you…

On the plus side, I’ve lost 10 pounds over the summer. I’m pretty happy with that except Jalan says my butt is getting smaller ):<

Even after not going on this thing for awhile, people still on my dick about my personal life. Smh. People honestly need to learn how to mind their own business and stop giving a fuck about mine.

it’s a secret! but tooooo much.

it’s back on public! (:

Follow me on instagram! cdanglove

Cute birthday bouquet from @jparrilla1 (: thanks babe! #cute #surprise #roses (Taken with Instagram)